This blog post was written in two sittings with an anxiety attack in between (why no, I didn’t completely forget I had guests coming over on Saturday; I also didn’t clean; why do you ask?), so please forgive any strange timbre to this post.
Let’s start with mundane news. I have had a kind of discombobulated week; I think it’s still the daylight shifts, plus the recent weather shift (from “California Winter” to “Who Stole the Sun?”) working their black arts on me. I’ve been tired earlier and earlier, and having serious problems with focusing on my work, what I’m reading, my podcasts…really anything but the deep desire to put a pillow under my head and surrender to gravity.
In what is likely part and parcel of the sleepytime issues, I’m kind of depressed again. I’m not loving where my life is at. I love Sonya and I’m glad we’re getting married; I love our friends, our Game Nights, our tabletop games, our cat; I love what writing I get to do. But I don’t love the ratios involved. I want to be doing more creative things with my life by next year. I just need to figure out what shape those creative things might take. Right now I’m feeling the itch to write more and submit more, but I’m also looking forlornly at podcasts, voice-over work, and comic books as possible avenues for my self-expression. I’m considering seeing what gear I’d need to run an Actual Play of an RPG as a test-run for other podcasts. I have my doubts circulating about all these ideas, but right now I’m not listening to them. I’m listening to my muse and seeing what she needs.
In semi-mundane news, we ended a two-year-long D&D campaign yesterday; or rather paused it between arcs. The PCs finished out the Heroic tier (for you fourth edition devotees out there); they slew the Big Bad, every character’s personal story advanced a little, and a good time was had by all. I actually got applause at the end of it all, which made me feel…well, frankly, amazing. As an artist, I’m kind of proud of that game. It was never perfect, but it had its moments, and the players had fun. I feel all warm and fuzzy for having accomplished something like that.
In other semi-mundane news, we finished Mass Effect 3 this past week. I have not watched all seven possible endings (er, seven possible high-Military Strength endings, that is), so I don’t know what my head-canon ending is going to be yet; but I’ve watched the original Red, Green, and Blue endings, and I have to say, those are fairly satisfying, if demanding, conclusions. You do have to fill in a lot of details yourself (and I think that’s intentional on the part of the writers), but I honestly sort of prefer that. That said, I hear the Extended Cut endings include some answers I’d like to receive, so I’ll be downloading that when I have the free-roaming funds and seeing if I think one of those is how our buddy Jane Shepard went out. I highly recommend the series, and I highly recommend you decide how it ended for yourself.
As far as writing, well, I’m porpoising in and out of impostor syndrome of late. When I’m up I’m pretty sure I’m good at this; when I’m down I feel like the whole thing needs to be gutted and started over. The good news is, I have recruited a set of readers to do the reading thing for me, so once I survive this editing pass I can have someone else look at it and tell me what they think. I am trying to focus on that; and to remember that I have gotten farther than others who aspire to this job; and that sticking to it and always improving are the keys to getting where I want to be.
In short – life is OK lately, but I really need to get myself out of this funk. Sonya and I are having a stay-at-home date tonight, featuring a roast turkey and some pumpkin pie. I’m hoping some time to hang out with her and re-center myself, followed by a deep tissue massage tomorrow and some social time, will help me out. I might see about some yoga in there, as well; clear my head a bit. Really, at this point I’ll try anything short of actual magic, because I’m sick of being in the doldrums.
Well, that’s all the news that’s fit to print, I think; I’m gonna go do the work thing and try to look on the bright side. For recommendations this week, I’m going to send you in the direction of the animated TV show known as Avengers: Earth’s Mightiest Heroes. If you want some tasty superhero action in the Marvel ouevre, it’s definitely for you.
Have a good weekend, everybody!